Day #10 and 11 "Good bye Cigarettes"

I realized I never wrote my good bye letter to my cigarettes.. I'll fit that in on this post.. A few things I need to mention.. Yesterday morning I had a bad reaction to Chantix .. This scares me I had the same reaction to Slo Niacin and had to stop taking it. When the pill starts "releasing" it burns my stomache so bad that I can't take the pain and I litterly double up and cry it hurts so bad. I do not think this is a side effect of Chantix however this is just my stomache not being able to handle the time release no more.
BUT let me say this.. IF I have to stop taking the pills I will be damned if I start smoking again. YES I think about how nice to would be to smoke a cigarette its an old feeling one that I really loved at one time. BUT I must conqure this .. for MYSELF for my CHILDREN for my HUSBAND for my PARENTS.. :)

Let me get on with that good by letter...

Dear Philip Morris the maker of my beloved Marlboro Lights..
You put the Surgeon General's Warning.. On cigarette packages way too late for me.. back in the day when they were 45 Cents and you didn't even have to be 16 to buy them.. Nope that came 2 years later when I was actually 16.. I could still buy them! But it was still my decision your right.. But if I would of know the addiction to nicotine was just like the addiction to herion.. I know I wouldn't have smoked! Being an addict scared the hell out of me! Cigarette addiction is the same as herion... Now you know. Oh yes I have seen your "Special flyers in cigarette packages for people who want to quit smoking" Nice and dandy - Are you also going to help pay for any cost that it might cost for us to stop smoking? "shrug" Probably not!
Oh then there was the "Gear" to get us to smoke more to save those miles! "Koodos that had to stop" And even today you put "special offers to smokers printed on the side of your cigarette pack.. "shivers"...
Well this sums it up to Philip Morris.. now to address my beloved Marlboro Lights.

Dear Marlboro Lights
How dear you use to be to me... you were always there when I was tired, nervous, upset, happy and depressed. How odd when I think back on it.. how could I turn to such a substance to comfort me when I have always had "family and friends" (shrugs).

I have sit and watched you kill people that was close to me.. Remember my grandmother? Who died in her early 60s the woman who meant the world to me.. you took her when I was 17 years old I was only just begining to know the woman she really was.. You devistated me and right at Christmas time.. your so selfish! I seen you take her down with each breath as the days passed by she could hardly get up and walk to the bathroom with out having to use her inhailer.. I hate you! But yet I turned to you.. You reminded me of my grandma I loved your smell it brought back memories of her and you helped me escape to a place I was comfortable. But you know what... I have learned I can have those memories with out you!

I'm 39 years old and I can see the effects you have put on my skin, expecially my face.. I should not look nearly as bad as I do.. but yes thanks to you.. THANK YOU.. *rolls eyes*
I see you aging my sisters... But your not going to age me any more!!!!!
And guess what.. I had all my teeth fixed that you so happily ruined! NO way will you ever return to my lips or my clean air!

I am not your slave no more! I wont come back you can pressure me you can make me think about you .. you can haunt me in my dreams but I will not allow myself to ever fall into your trap again.
You tricked me back 3 other times - not this time -
I have too much to still do in this life time to have to put up with you and your slow and very curel death.
Besides.. you just stink... seriously.. you STINK yes I said it and I am tired of your smell and I am very sick of you stinking up my clothes my house my car my breath my hair my skin ..

Forever away from you
Xo
Babs


LOL well that sums it up I could of probably went on forever but my hands are truely hurting!!

thnx all for taking the time to read this *giggles*
Thanks for all the support you people are great! Bless you!
xoxoox
Babs!

Day #9 The Chantix Way!

Today was a prety normal day - I didn't struggle much with out smoking / was even around smokers it only irritated me.. actually made my nose run to be around the smoke.

I find that odd since it's only been 3 days for me.

20+ years of smoking lol I still dont know why I ever wasted so much money and good health.

I really hope things keep going this good, I'm not saying I don't want ever.. Because I still do at times but only when I actually sit and think about it.

or find myself in a situation where I would normaly light up like after meals and so forth. I picked up Crochet again after many years just to keep my hands busy LOL*

Ok I am headed to bed..
I really appreciate all the support I am getting from the people leaving me comments..
It really means alot to me to see theres others out there willing to help and offer advice!
You are all great!

xoxo
Babs

Day #8 on Chantix

2nd day with out smoking I'm not crying I really don't want to smoke but I can say I do think about it every so often more so often then every so lol*

But I'm not letting it get to me.. and since I don't find comfort in food or candy I'm kinda screwed. I made muffins thinking it would make me feel better lol* I was like gross! So yeah I ate one feed the other one to the dogs.

Has anyone out there had their doctor cut the dose of the pills down to one a day?
I really don't see the point in taking two I take one right before bed and then another one when I wake up I feel its a bit silly to take one that effects me while I sleep.

Another problem I have found with Chantix is I guess I didn't realize they are time released until the other day when my stomache was burning. I have always had a wee bit of a problem with time released pills :/

Any how I will report more tomorrow :D~ have a good nigth everyone~
xx
Babs

Day #7 One day behind again!

I'm so tired all the time I have no energy to intertwine - I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep.. my system is all screwed up!

Its probably not the chantix its probably me and this sleeping disorder I seem to have from time to time. What can I do about it I refuse sleeping pills or any other type of drug that will make me sleep.. keep the toxins out I don't want them!

Today is my quit day let's see if I can do it let's see if I have faith in myself to just walk away.. I hate cigarettes never did like them wonder why I ever smoked? I must of been crazy to fall prey to such a horrible toxic life steeler!

I have 4 cigarettes left I'll smoke them just to end them then I am throwing everything away! I will spend the rest of the week scrubing my house and washing my clothes I dont want to smell it any more. It only smells like death knocking at my door!
My hands have more constructive things they need to do - like painting a picture or writing to you!
I know if I can beat this there is nothing I can not beat - and I am striving to be the winner!
Wish me luck!

xoxo
Babs

Day #6 On Chantix

Hi!

I just want to say first of all Thank you Maggie for all your support it makes writing these posts worth it seems your my biggest supporter right now hehe :)

I had a bit of nausia again today but it wasn't nothing I couldn't handle to be truthful about it. & I dont know if the Chantix is causing this or not but I really had a craving for something to eat and couldn't figure out what it was it drove me crazy LOL..

Oh go figure I am posting this on the right day for a change so the blog straightened out like I figured it would...

Tomorrow is the very last day I can smoke Monday is my quit day!
I told my husband tomorrow night everything is to be thrown away.. left over cigarettes old packs ash trays the boot..
I even got some air fresheners to put out so I dont have to smell the "left over smoke" that might be lingering around. I dont want any signs in this house that I ever smoked.. I want it all gone.
The less I see the less I want.. thats my theroy anyways!

ok this is it for today I was in the middle of watching a movie so I am going to go back and watch it :0

xoxo
Babs

Day #5 on Chantix!

Hi Folks!

Just another day has gone by as you can tell I am still a day behind on my posts but it will be all right heh some how it will straighten out.

I did notice a little queeziness today after taking my morning pill I wonder if it was because I was hungry however it didn't last long maybe a couple minutes and then I was fine.

Which I can handle a bit of being nacious if the pills help thats not a big issue!

Other than that report nothing special has happen today - I only went out of the house once and that was to pick my neice up so she could come over for the weekend. I didn't even do that after thanksgiving day shopping blah I hate shopping!!

Any how take care everyone!

xooxoo

Babs

Day #4 Thanksgiving !

Well I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving! I got my belly full and all I wanted to do was sleep lol! Not surprising however all holidays are like that - And to be honest with you I didn't think about smoking that much today... (or yesterday since I seem to always post right after midnight).

Usually I am sitting on the backstoop with all the other smokers smoking away and chatting but this year.. I stayed in the livingroom with the folks and my grandbaby.. Sure I took that occasional smoke.. But not like it use to be. In fact I found the smoke a bit annoying to be around. I really really think that Chantix will be what helps me stay quit this time.. So far its done way better than what zyban ever did for me or the patches!

And what's better than spending time with my baby girl!! She's so precious! Another good reason to quit I want to at least see her grow up!

Here's what I had today to eat heh just though I would share our Thanksgiving menu with everyone!

Turkey - in gravy & one turkey cooked on the grill..
Ham
mash potato's
Beef and noodles
Green bean casarol
baked beans
meat loaf
sasuage & Krout
oyster dressing
mac & cheese
corn bread pudding
Muffins - blueberry & strawberry
Strawberry shortcake
pumkin pie
chocolate cake (miracle whip cake)
Some kind of desert that had apples & snicker candy bars in it
peach cobbler
7 layer salad
Veggie tray
Oh there was so much I am sure I am missing to put half of it in here..

I am from a family of 7 kids so you can just imagine how big our holiday gatherings are heeh..

ok take care
I will post more again later
xoxo
Babs!