2009 I'm Back..

Its been quite some time since my last post & Sorry to say I started smoking again. It wasn't chantix fault it was my fault I quit taking it too early - And I didn't stand by my past convictions to stop. I gave up the will to quit! I can't believe I started again it was stupid and its been quite a while that I have been smoking. I quit for about five months - I am finding out in order to quit I may have to stay away from good friends who do smoke - even though they try to be respectful and not smoke around me thats a habbit I couldn't shake lighting up to chat with friends like the good ol' days. I wish I could find the strength in myself just to quit and forget about them. I mean in five months I know there was no nictone in my body to make me crave them it was just my mental self wanting to be "that way" again. I tried to go back on chantix and not smoke but my heart wasn't into it. So now I have to build up the willpower to just do it and mean it. The next time I quit it will be with out aid because thats the only way I am going to beable to prove to myself I can do it and really mean what I am doing. I haven't set a quit date yet but soon will. This month I will have a new grandbaby arriving - I am thinking her birthdate will be a good new quit date. Wish me luck!

Thanks to everyone who read my post and offered me great support I sure appreciated it.. Sorry I have disappointed my readers..
Take care all..
With much love and appreciation
Barbara

**Coming up on 3 Months***

Feb 26th will make 3 months STOP for me.. It will also be my 40th Birthday.. YES I said it I will be 40! And OMG I can barely believe that I quit smoking before I was 40 thats freaking awesome I am proud of myself even if it has taken me over 5 years later to the date I said I would quit at.. I promised myself years ago I would quit before I was 35 well I didn't make it but at lass I finally done it!

I wont ever smoke again its creapy it stinks it makes me wonder how the hell I done it so damn long :D
Sure I think about it.. but then think why would I want to do this to myself again.. I am finally getting semi healthy and I can actually breath when its needed :P

I'm just glad my clothes house car and myself doesn't smell so shitty any more!
Any how I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!!!

I also hope........ Everyone has a Happy Valentines Day!

xoxo
Babs

Day # 43 Still a non-smoker =D

Hi everyone...
Just a quick up date!! I am still a non-smoker =-) No slip-ups no running around smelling smokers smoke.. and no longer taking Chantix.. I haven't since Christmas Eve...


No I didn't ask my doctor about going off them I just stopped taking them.. I only got 1 months supply and to be honest with everyone I have a full pack of the pills left. I'm really not worried about going back to smoking. I haven't taken but one pill a day since the second week.. yes the Chantix helped with the initial quit it was nice not to have those nicotine cravings.
But I realize it was me that wanted to quit more then the pill helping me. I have to quit --

Anyways..
Happy New Years to everyone!
xo
Babs

Day 21 - 30 on Chantix..

Hi folks! Did you think I just would never post again? lol I bet you were... Well actually I have been getting ready for xmas shopping and all that jaz! Basicly yes I have been slacking..alot.. :)

But I am still not smoking that has to be good... Lately however I have been kinda of struggling with it because I really want to smoke lol.. isn't that stupid? I just want to smoke I like it in a weird way.. blah but you know.. I really know it's just the old me that I am comfortable with I mean I have smoked since I was around 15 years old (behind my parents back when I was that young of course).

I asked a friend of mine that stopped smoking about 3 years ago.. how long it took her not to "think" like a smoker.. I think most of you know what I am talking about when I say "think like a smoker" anyways she informed me it took her about 6 months.. she quit cold turkey.. that girl has will powah! lol :)

I figure when I get past the not "thinking like a smoker" I'll have it kicked. (hopes)
This is what I think is stupid.. When I am around people who smoke it disgusts me the smell smells like it always did really.. but now its just gross.. but when I am not around the smokers I'm like UGrahgahhhh.. I want a cigarette lol.. mental huh?

Anyways.. I wanted everyone to know I'm doing fine fine.. no smokie smokie.. what am I on? my 3rd week of quit? I think so..

anyways.. take care..I'lll write again soon I promise!

PS
I found out for me its a bad idea to cut those pills in half.. blah made me have so much pain in my tummy .. :(((..

oH
Have a merry xmas if I dont make it back before to tell you so

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEARS! :))
(hopes 08 is way better than 07 was)

Day # 19 & 20th

Wow its been 20 days since I started the program it doesn't seem that long!!
Everything is still going F i n e I'm happy to report! I really want to get off the pills.. when is the time right to stop? I know its only been 3 weeks but I really really hate taking pills!
Can anyone let me know when they stopped taking chantix?
I read alot about 12 weeks.. but really I don't want to be on them for 12 weeks.. is this the correct amount of weeks?

Is everyone ready for the holidays? I'm a bit excited this year for christmas to come.. Such a funny feeling I haven't been excited about the holidays in years... Usually I dread the holidays.. but not this year!

Any how I'm gonna end this post~ I'll write again soon!
xox
Babs

Day #14 - 18th The Chantix Way!

Hey everyone.. its me :D I know its been a while since I have wrote! I'm still doing really good.. I went to see the doc & he said if I do not feel like taking my night pill then I don't need to take it. Of course I haven't taken it for a while any ways.. I'm doing real good I rarely think about smoking any more but I still have my moments lol* like when I have a really nice yummy meal!

I don't miss smoking this winter at all! I couldn't smoke out in the cold anyways because I would always get the huccups.. *laughs*

It doesn't bother me when people smoke around me either.. but I did notice when I was shopping in Wal-marts today when someone walked by how bad they reaked of cigarette smoke.. I can hardly believe I smelled that bad but I know I did.. I am so happy I don't any more!.. How embarasing!!

I'm so thankful to Chantix - it was so hard before to try to quit this time seems so easy..
I keep telling my syblings they need to do it..
Anyways I have gained weight I didn't think I would because I never gain weight so but
my first weigh in was 115lbs - now i am at 121lbs! my goal weight has always been 125lbs I hope I don't get any heavier than that lol!
Almost at 2 weeks stop but it feels like months .. how strange :)
18th Day on Chantix :D

xoxo
Babs

Day #12 & 13th :D~

Such a busy weekend this weekend! Friday I went shopping in a city thats approx. 45 minutes drive from the city I live in at http://www.gfs.com/ to grocery shop. I wanted bulk food lol! While in Kokomo I decided to take my mom out to eat at http://www.texasroadhouse.com/TRHintro_flash.html which I have to admit I really love the food there but this time grr my steak was so small I laughed at the waitress and asked her if she brought me the kiddy platter.. the plate was so little ni much bigger than a tea saucer. I learned my lession however I shall not ever order a 6oz steak there! By the time we got home it was around 8pm so Friday was ended I watched tv and went to bed.

Saturday from the moment I got up in the morning until it was about to go to bed I was sewing together pjs and blankets for my grandbaby for xmas. Also I learned a lession there.. just because a pattern claims to be easy.. doesn't mean it's really that easy.. Thanks to my lil sister for helping me with those PJs! Speaking of little sis who is a smoker and tries real hard not to smoke around me however I told her it was ok. Those cigarettes really stink now.. funny thing is they are my brand!

Here I sit Sunday I slept most of the day away.. I woke up at 5am stayed up until around 8am then went to take a short nap. Short my arse! I slept until 1:30PM I hate doing that it messes up my whole day.

I'm starting to think less and less of smoking.. I really don't care any more to be truthful.. Its not the most importian thing on my list like it use to be. I really don't even feel like taking Chantix any more but I wont go off it. I go to see my specialist tomorrow, I'll talk to him maybe he'll just cut me down..

Anyways that was my weekend I'll post again tomorrow!

xo

Babs

Day #10 and 11 "Good bye Cigarettes"

I realized I never wrote my good bye letter to my cigarettes.. I'll fit that in on this post.. A few things I need to mention.. Yesterday morning I had a bad reaction to Chantix .. This scares me I had the same reaction to Slo Niacin and had to stop taking it. When the pill starts "releasing" it burns my stomache so bad that I can't take the pain and I litterly double up and cry it hurts so bad. I do not think this is a side effect of Chantix however this is just my stomache not being able to handle the time release no more.
BUT let me say this.. IF I have to stop taking the pills I will be damned if I start smoking again. YES I think about how nice to would be to smoke a cigarette its an old feeling one that I really loved at one time. BUT I must conqure this .. for MYSELF for my CHILDREN for my HUSBAND for my PARENTS.. :)

Let me get on with that good by letter...

Dear Philip Morris the maker of my beloved Marlboro Lights..
You put the Surgeon General's Warning.. On cigarette packages way too late for me.. back in the day when they were 45 Cents and you didn't even have to be 16 to buy them.. Nope that came 2 years later when I was actually 16.. I could still buy them! But it was still my decision your right.. But if I would of know the addiction to nicotine was just like the addiction to herion.. I know I wouldn't have smoked! Being an addict scared the hell out of me! Cigarette addiction is the same as herion... Now you know. Oh yes I have seen your "Special flyers in cigarette packages for people who want to quit smoking" Nice and dandy - Are you also going to help pay for any cost that it might cost for us to stop smoking? "shrug" Probably not!
Oh then there was the "Gear" to get us to smoke more to save those miles! "Koodos that had to stop" And even today you put "special offers to smokers printed on the side of your cigarette pack.. "shivers"...
Well this sums it up to Philip Morris.. now to address my beloved Marlboro Lights.

Dear Marlboro Lights
How dear you use to be to me... you were always there when I was tired, nervous, upset, happy and depressed. How odd when I think back on it.. how could I turn to such a substance to comfort me when I have always had "family and friends" (shrugs).

I have sit and watched you kill people that was close to me.. Remember my grandmother? Who died in her early 60s the woman who meant the world to me.. you took her when I was 17 years old I was only just begining to know the woman she really was.. You devistated me and right at Christmas time.. your so selfish! I seen you take her down with each breath as the days passed by she could hardly get up and walk to the bathroom with out having to use her inhailer.. I hate you! But yet I turned to you.. You reminded me of my grandma I loved your smell it brought back memories of her and you helped me escape to a place I was comfortable. But you know what... I have learned I can have those memories with out you!

I'm 39 years old and I can see the effects you have put on my skin, expecially my face.. I should not look nearly as bad as I do.. but yes thanks to you.. THANK YOU.. *rolls eyes*
I see you aging my sisters... But your not going to age me any more!!!!!
And guess what.. I had all my teeth fixed that you so happily ruined! NO way will you ever return to my lips or my clean air!

I am not your slave no more! I wont come back you can pressure me you can make me think about you .. you can haunt me in my dreams but I will not allow myself to ever fall into your trap again.
You tricked me back 3 other times - not this time -
I have too much to still do in this life time to have to put up with you and your slow and very curel death.
Besides.. you just stink... seriously.. you STINK yes I said it and I am tired of your smell and I am very sick of you stinking up my clothes my house my car my breath my hair my skin ..

Forever away from you
Xo
Babs


LOL well that sums it up I could of probably went on forever but my hands are truely hurting!!

thnx all for taking the time to read this *giggles*
Thanks for all the support you people are great! Bless you!
xoxoox
Babs!

Day #9 The Chantix Way!

Today was a prety normal day - I didn't struggle much with out smoking / was even around smokers it only irritated me.. actually made my nose run to be around the smoke.

I find that odd since it's only been 3 days for me.

20+ years of smoking lol I still dont know why I ever wasted so much money and good health.

I really hope things keep going this good, I'm not saying I don't want ever.. Because I still do at times but only when I actually sit and think about it.

or find myself in a situation where I would normaly light up like after meals and so forth. I picked up Crochet again after many years just to keep my hands busy LOL*

Ok I am headed to bed..
I really appreciate all the support I am getting from the people leaving me comments..
It really means alot to me to see theres others out there willing to help and offer advice!
You are all great!

xoxo
Babs

Day #8 on Chantix

2nd day with out smoking I'm not crying I really don't want to smoke but I can say I do think about it every so often more so often then every so lol*

But I'm not letting it get to me.. and since I don't find comfort in food or candy I'm kinda screwed. I made muffins thinking it would make me feel better lol* I was like gross! So yeah I ate one feed the other one to the dogs.

Has anyone out there had their doctor cut the dose of the pills down to one a day?
I really don't see the point in taking two I take one right before bed and then another one when I wake up I feel its a bit silly to take one that effects me while I sleep.

Another problem I have found with Chantix is I guess I didn't realize they are time released until the other day when my stomache was burning. I have always had a wee bit of a problem with time released pills :/

Any how I will report more tomorrow :D~ have a good nigth everyone~
xx
Babs

Day #7 One day behind again!

I'm so tired all the time I have no energy to intertwine - I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep.. my system is all screwed up!

Its probably not the chantix its probably me and this sleeping disorder I seem to have from time to time. What can I do about it I refuse sleeping pills or any other type of drug that will make me sleep.. keep the toxins out I don't want them!

Today is my quit day let's see if I can do it let's see if I have faith in myself to just walk away.. I hate cigarettes never did like them wonder why I ever smoked? I must of been crazy to fall prey to such a horrible toxic life steeler!

I have 4 cigarettes left I'll smoke them just to end them then I am throwing everything away! I will spend the rest of the week scrubing my house and washing my clothes I dont want to smell it any more. It only smells like death knocking at my door!
My hands have more constructive things they need to do - like painting a picture or writing to you!
I know if I can beat this there is nothing I can not beat - and I am striving to be the winner!
Wish me luck!

xoxo
Babs

Day #6 On Chantix

Hi!

I just want to say first of all Thank you Maggie for all your support it makes writing these posts worth it seems your my biggest supporter right now hehe :)

I had a bit of nausia again today but it wasn't nothing I couldn't handle to be truthful about it. & I dont know if the Chantix is causing this or not but I really had a craving for something to eat and couldn't figure out what it was it drove me crazy LOL..

Oh go figure I am posting this on the right day for a change so the blog straightened out like I figured it would...

Tomorrow is the very last day I can smoke Monday is my quit day!
I told my husband tomorrow night everything is to be thrown away.. left over cigarettes old packs ash trays the boot..
I even got some air fresheners to put out so I dont have to smell the "left over smoke" that might be lingering around. I dont want any signs in this house that I ever smoked.. I want it all gone.
The less I see the less I want.. thats my theroy anyways!

ok this is it for today I was in the middle of watching a movie so I am going to go back and watch it :0

xoxo
Babs

Day #5 on Chantix!

Hi Folks!

Just another day has gone by as you can tell I am still a day behind on my posts but it will be all right heh some how it will straighten out.

I did notice a little queeziness today after taking my morning pill I wonder if it was because I was hungry however it didn't last long maybe a couple minutes and then I was fine.

Which I can handle a bit of being nacious if the pills help thats not a big issue!

Other than that report nothing special has happen today - I only went out of the house once and that was to pick my neice up so she could come over for the weekend. I didn't even do that after thanksgiving day shopping blah I hate shopping!!

Any how take care everyone!

xooxoo

Babs

Day #4 Thanksgiving !

Well I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving! I got my belly full and all I wanted to do was sleep lol! Not surprising however all holidays are like that - And to be honest with you I didn't think about smoking that much today... (or yesterday since I seem to always post right after midnight).

Usually I am sitting on the backstoop with all the other smokers smoking away and chatting but this year.. I stayed in the livingroom with the folks and my grandbaby.. Sure I took that occasional smoke.. But not like it use to be. In fact I found the smoke a bit annoying to be around. I really really think that Chantix will be what helps me stay quit this time.. So far its done way better than what zyban ever did for me or the patches!

And what's better than spending time with my baby girl!! She's so precious! Another good reason to quit I want to at least see her grow up!

Here's what I had today to eat heh just though I would share our Thanksgiving menu with everyone!

Turkey - in gravy & one turkey cooked on the grill..
Ham
mash potato's
Beef and noodles
Green bean casarol
baked beans
meat loaf
sasuage & Krout
oyster dressing
mac & cheese
corn bread pudding
Muffins - blueberry & strawberry
Strawberry shortcake
pumkin pie
chocolate cake (miracle whip cake)
Some kind of desert that had apples & snicker candy bars in it
peach cobbler
7 layer salad
Veggie tray
Oh there was so much I am sure I am missing to put half of it in here..

I am from a family of 7 kids so you can just imagine how big our holiday gatherings are heeh..

ok take care
I will post more again later
xoxo
Babs!

Chantix Day #3

Hi

It's still day #3 for me however it just read midnight so the date is going to read the 22 instead of the 21st of Nov.

Everything is still going well I haven't had any crazy side effects not even a bit nacious from the pills. I know its still kind of early to tell but usually if a drug is going to make me feel sick I feel it right away because thats always my luck.

I really don't feel the "need" to smoke much like I did let's say before I started taking Chantix I have all ready cut down from 1 pack of smokes a day to about 1/2 pack. I don't know if the pills are suppose to help this quick or not but for me it has maybe its in my mind maybe deep inside my head I want to quit even more than I realize.

Thanks to Maggie for her support it means the world to me that other people do read this and are sending me positive feedback about quitting! =-)

When I first realized that I had no choice I needed to stop smoking for my unknown health issue I was dredding my quit date. and to be honest now I can't wait until it gets here.

I know some of you might be thinking.. well then just quit now.. And that does seem reasonable however I just want to make myself sick to death of them..!!

My quit date is the 26th of November 2007.

Day #2 the Chantix Way!

Ahh today I have taken pill #2 Yes for now I am still smoking -
The program works like this:

Week 1:
The first 3 days you take 1 pill the other 4 days you take 1 Pill in the morning 1 Pill at night.During this week you keep smoking, and set your quit date for the second week.

Week 2: Take 1 Pill in the morning 1 Pill at night - NO smoking.

Week 3-? you take them the same way you do week 2 until you are finished with the program.

You have a year suscription to their quit program that has live support to help you with your quit. Chantix also has a website that you can log into that helps with your quit.

Even with this just being the second day since I have started Chantix (varenicline) I notice a difference, I really do not have the desire to smoke nearly as much as I was one day ago.

You maybe have heard rumors of people having nacious side effects from Chantix I suppose people sometimes do. I haven't had any type of side effects yet.

The directions read "take with plently of water" however the woman that told me about these pils told me she takes hers with her morning coffee and she never gets sick.. however she told me her sister and best friend both take them with big glasses of water and both get nacious from them.

I probably will keep a day to day post of my progress with my quit and Chantix =-)

My Start with Chantix!

Ok I have decided just do it do it or die is my motto..

I have been having problems with my blood & platelet level. For those who don't know your platelets are what causes your blood to clot.

FACT:
Smoking Cigarette's raises your platelet level.

Besides this I have been wanting to quit smoking for years but too weak and no will-power has lead me to not stopping.

I have no choice if I do not get my body under control I can have a stroke.
My first step besides what the doctors are trying to do to give myself better health is to just stop smoking my life away.

So today i started the Chantix program.. I hope it works! I know I still have to put my own will power into it and really want to... Well I do really want to!

So I will blog my ups and downs of the quit and keep you informed on how things are going for me.

Send me some positive energy people I know I will defently need it!

xoxo

Babs

Bad Ugly Habbits!

On my last post I talked about drugs and how they kill.. Neglecting my own habbit and its nasty ugly and long term it kills! God this habbit sucks so bad I have tried all these things to quit!
1) Cold turkey - that didn't last long
2) Patches - 4 months.. smoked again shortly after I quit using patch
3) Zyban - 9 months was a pretty good sucess.. until the hoildays! :(
4) Gum - Made me totally sick!!!!

Things I haven't tried yet to quit... would include many methods.. a few I thought might work..

1) Tie me to a chair only let me eat and use the bathroom for a month.
2) Move me to a cabin out in the middle of no where.
3) Lock me in a church!
4) Close all tabacco factories.
5) Give me a million dollars if I quit for over 1 year - I figure if I can kick the habbit for 1 year I am not going to go back to it!

Honestly I am hopeless with this I really do want to quit and I have several times I will take any advice on what I need to do to quit.
It makes me sick to know I am poisioning my body every day and I don't have the will power to just stop doing it. I am weak I know so don't bother telling me that in a comment.. I KNOW I AM WEAK AND I NEED TO JUST DO IT!

I mean seriously what would I miss? Smelling like an ashtray? WoW yeah that's something to really miss.. NO I am not afraid I will get fat.. I have no "fears of quitting" nothing scares me about it.. so yeah thats not the reason I keep doing it... Oh.. it must be the nicotine..
AND why can't I sue the tabbaco companies? When I started smoking there was no warning labels saying "IF YOU SMOKE THIS YOU WILL GET ADDICTED THEN DIE!!" *sighs*

Anyways leave me your commemnts that might help me stop tricks of the trade.. or what even gave you the strenght to stop smoking I really need to hear it some pointers something please!!

Don't bother telling what kind of loser I am because I smoke yadda yadda I don't want to hear it and it wont encourage me to stop just because you think I suck! k.thnx.

heh ok chow
x
Babs!

Pissed on Pills!

In the past 2 years I have known more people to die then the whole other 37 years I have been alive! None of these deaths have been by a car wreck, poor health, nor anything else I would call "natural or by accident". Saddly to say most of the people dying are youths or very young adults..

The deal is this :
Perscription drugs seem to be the drug of choice these days. From what I am seeing the drugs that are being abused are Xanax's, Oxys, Methdone, Loretabs and many alike pills.

Who's to blame? I could point that to many directions instead of pointing fingers to Doctors for over perscribing, or the pharmaceuticals for making such shit or parents for not being more aware and even to the person who has died for making such poor decisions with their lives I'd rather just point out that "We have a problem!"

In this year alone I have known at the very least 5 people that has passed away usually from a mixture of Methdone and Xanax's.

Now you might be sitting there saying "All my friends are too smart for this.. Or Thats just because your friends are all drug addicts"

Quite the contrary your wrong - At least 3 people I knew that passed away this year I had no idea they even took any type of drug. 2 of them were friends from when I went to high school and 1 of them I baby sitted for when she was younger.

PEOPLE YOU SHOULD BE OUTRAGED!!!
THIS IS NOT the "same ol' drug problem as usual"
THIS IS NOT like it was when the hippies were out getting high and having free love!
THIS is shit that's legal - made in a lab and perscribed..
THIS is suppose to be a "controled substance" when in fact its out of control!

I bet I could start a list of names here of people I alone knew that died from drug overdoses due to people taking percription pills either by illegal sale or that was perscribed to them and they mixed it with other pills or over dosed on it and died. Then added people in this community alone that I didn't know but know they died from taking some kind of perscription drugs. Then you could add to this list and I garentee you .. the list would never end.

People are using these for "fun" to get "high" they don't hesitate they don't think they will die...
"We are just having fun.. gettin' high!"
In reality they are playing Russian Rolette!

The sad thing is:
Truely there is nothing being done about this.
So I felt the need to bitch about it!
It just makes me sick America is losing so many of their young people due to perscription drugs rather then are obtained legally or illegally, and it seems nothing really is being done about it.

Like here they are still way worried about pot, herion, crystal meth and kind of ignoring that most of the people dying in this community is from persciption.
I mean its totally sad when an armed robber goes in to the local CVS to rob the pharmist of all their oxies.

Any how give me your feedback yes I want to hear it!
Here's a short educational video about drugs if your interested in watching!

Hey!

I decided to start this blog after checking out my girl Dena's.. she always some how with out trying talks me into doing silly things!

However - I will take this with the up most serious-ness =)

I'm sure I'll have alot to rant about because so much in this world pisses me off!

But I am also sure I'll have some fun things on here for you to view :D~

So .. Stay tuned.. for more action... later :P

PS.
Is the writer's guild still on strike?